ABC Nightline Faceoff: Why Can’t a Successful Black Woman Find a Man
Recently, I attended a forum by ABC’s Nightline entitled “Why Can’t a Successful Black Woman Find a Man”. The panel members included Steve Harvey, Sherri Sheperd, Jacque Reid, Jimi Izrael and Hill Harper. I must say I thoroughly enjoyed the debate and look forward to giving readers my take on the conversation. In the meantime, check out the show. It airs tonight at 11:35pm eastern on ABC.
See the ABC press release below:
Why Can’t a Successful Black Woman Find a Man?
Sparks Fly as Sherri Shepherd, Jimi Izrael and Others Mix It Up in Latest ‘Nightline: Faceoff’
April 15, 2010 —
When it comes to successful black women and marriage, it appears there’s still plenty of room for debate.
Strong opinions and good humor filled the air in Decatur, Ga., last week in the seventh installment of the “Nightline: Face-Off” series. An overflow crowd of 1,000 people piled into the Porter Sanford Performing Arts Center to watch an all-star panel take on the question: Why can’t a successful black woman find a man?
Viewers can watch the whole debate on “Nightline” Wednesday, April 21 at 11:35 p.m. ET
In the United States, black college-educated women outnumber black college-educated men 2 to 1. Considering all the factors that could lend to this disproportion, it’s not surprising that people wonder why many successful black women cannot find a man.
Sherri Shepherd, Emmy award-winning co-host of ABC’s “The View,” and Jacque Reid, star of VH1′s “Let’s Talk About Pep,” debated Hill Harper, “CSI” star and author of “The Conversation,” and Jimi Izrael, author of “The Denzel Principle.” Radio talk show host Steve Harvey and “Nightline”‘s Vicki Mabrey co-moderated the debate.
After Mabrey kicked off the debate, Izrael and Shepherd jumped right in.
“Your standards have to be reasonable,” Izrael said. “And very often some of these women that are looking for men, you know, what they don’t understand is sometimes you have to be the person that you’re looking for. … And then you’re sad because you can’t find a perfect man. Well, you’re not a perfect woman.”
Shepherd disagreed.
“I don’t think that our standards are too high,” she said. “And I absolutely agree with you. We’re looking for, you know, we should be looking for what we are. For me, I’m going, ‘Gosh, a man that loves God. A man that loves his family. A man that gets along with his … the first woman in his life, his mother. A man that … that can support me as I will support him. … Is that too picky?”
Viewers can watch the whole debate on “Nightline” Wednesday, April 21 at 11:35 p.m. ET
The “Nightline: Face-Off” is a series launched two years ago in which hot topics are debated among prominent voices in their field.
Copyright © 2010 ABC News Internet Ventures
Make sure you tune in! Good stuff!
It seems to be the question of the year; why can’t successful, single black women find a good man? The answer most experts give is that African American women are sending out the message that black men need not apply for the job of husband. But, what’s not often considered is how many women have a “good” man and just haven’t chosen to tie the knot yet or how many African American women buy the hype that there aren’t any quality men available so they’ve stopped looking, put up walls to prevent a man from getting close or spend their lives surrounded by people who block their ability to meet someone.
The statistics and questions also don’t consider that black women, like all women, have free will; with that may come the desire to remain single in order to pursue their dreams, better understand themselves, define the parameters of relationships they might have or simple a need to be independent from the restrictions that come along with monogamy and marriage.
It’s been argued that the standards of African American women are too high; that since they are increasingly earning college degrees, buying homes and starting businesses, they want or demand a man with the same thereby limiting their choices or emasculating any man who doesn’t measure up. It’s not often considered that any man, a real man looking for a partnership—which is what a marriage is supposed to be—should welcome a woman with means, intellect, and ability to assist the households rather than be threatened by it; that a “good” partner should want his other “half” to live up to her potential so that she is a healthy, happy and whole with and without him.
Of course, so called experts so that women should lower their standards, even settle for someone who doesn’t meet their ideal just so they aren’t alone. I wonder if these same people consider this logic or fear of ending up alone, as we are when we enter the world, is one of the leading causes behind divorce and broken homes.
I look at the rise of singles in this county in my book I Didn't Work This Hard Just to Get Married: Successful, Single Black Women Speak Out. What I found is that while most people want someone to share their life with being about to fulfill your own dreams as an individual has gives women the opportunity get married for the right reasons and therefore have a healthier, better functioning, long lasting union.
Successful, single black women take center stage in my book I Didn't Work This Hard Just to Get Married. Through lively and revealing interviews with women from various walks of life, it explores the challenges and issues affecting single black women, forging ahead in today’s society by defying expectations. They candidly discuss aging without a man and reevaluate dating, single homeownership, career, and children. These women speak directly to the female experience, addressing unique challenges such as income discrepancies between genders, the high rate of male incarceration, and the Baby Momma Syndrome. The women discuss the false expectations they face from men, from families, and from friends. Written in the best tradition of girlfriend talking to girlfriend, the book delivers tales of lessons learned, hard times and good times, told by women who found ways to achieve their dreams by defying convention. Their conclusion: Singlehood, whether temporary or permanent, and though often challenging, is a fulfilling state.
Hi and thanks for commenting. I'll purchase a copy of your book.
I’m a bit frustrated with the lack of tangible details that get omitted from real issues. The debate almost always goes off into a tangent concerning different individual’s feelings or specific experiences. How about a general consensus that will help to identify the core problem before we debate something less focus like why can’t successful black women find a man.
From the first paragraph it states black women in college out number black men 2 to 1. The simplest analysis would be a severe shortage of black men. This means you either expand your pool or suffer.
Another issue comes when the requirements are laid out, if those requirements were so simple and not negotiable then there’s a lot of technology that will match a woman with a guy who describes them-self as exactly what they want. But let’s be honest & realistic, not all of those requirements are set in stone, so why mention them to begin with? Some of those qualities don’t define a clear identity, i.e and old fashioned guy who is ok with modern women, it’s an obvious oxymoron that seems to be overlooked.
No one seems to address that none of us know what we truly want… until we have it, there’s a certain amount of risk we all have to take and by cornering ourselves to specific requirements we often remove necessary risk. How many black women in general have their wedding planned before they find a groom?
It’s that farsighted nature that can blur the here and now. We can get too fixated on what we consider perfect and forget that perfect is a perspective that we can attach to anything, therefore it doesn’t hold any absolute meaning. I wonder if those women on the panel truly know and understand the reason why they are single, they have pigeon holed themselves into having many unnecessary requirements, in an already crowded market, not to mention if you feel you are truly perfect then you should be able to mold a man into perfection, but then again if you are already perfect then why would you even need a man…
But if you honestly feel you are not perfect, your search can be as broad as looking for a man who compliments you and is strong where you are weak and vise versa, but not even that is guaranteed. I don’t recall them defining “success” besides being a college grad which I have seen plenty of black women college grad failures. We should really speak the same language by using the same definitions maybe then we can reach some clarity.
I bet all successful black women would have a good men if men could have 2 women, otherwise half the women will be complaining until they get an influx of men.
I find this topic to be so boring now .
The Grand Jury Report…
that has lead to the firing of a college football icon is horrific reading. I have yet to read it all the way through, but have dipped back in and farther several times as events have developed; it is just too ugly to read through in a single sitting. …
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About Me
I'm a young professional living in the Atlanta area. Somehow I stumbled upon this new passion, love & relationship blogging. Sometimes my tone comes across as sarcastic. Try not to take me too seriously. I mean really. If I know so much, why am I still single?
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